I would like to start off by saying that I'm drinking the most dreadful cup of coffee I've encountered in a long time. What's worse is that I will continue to drink it until it is gone, simply out of principle.
I joined weight watchers this week because the course of different meds I've been over the last couple of years has finally caught up with me and has pushed me beyond my heaviest EVER!.
No bueno, you know? So long story short, I've reduced the amount of cream that I put in my coffee since with WW you have to count points... I'd rather use points toward something awesome, not just coffee creamer--but I digress.
The real topic of this blog is the latest and greatest in all that is Tommy's Bipolar Life. I'm happy to report that I've been functioning pretty well for a long time now and on days where I'm not at the top of my game, I've gotten pretty good at faking it and making myself go to work and do things I don't always feel like doing. The exception being housework which has gone from OCD in nature to just enough to get by and not be gross.
I went to see the dr yesterday. She had a cancellation so after months of trying to get in I was able to. I told her how impossible she is to get in and see and how because of that I weened myself off of my Latuda on my own without talking to her first. I explained further that it made me feel emotionally numb, but angry and irritable at the same time. Not to mention the lack of a sex drive was really killing my relationship and leading to fights that wouldn't normally happen if I handled biznazz for my wife, lol... but when you arent' thinking about shit like that it's easy to just neglect the concept in general. (this problem has since been remedied, lol)
The dr let me in a little secret and said to call up to the office, say I'm having probs with my meds and that I need the dr to call me--she can get me in that way... the nazi receptionists are obviously oblivious to how important it is to talk to a dr soemtimes when you are taking mind altering medications...
Well we looked at the lonnnnnng list of meds I've tried since being diagnosed back in 2000, omg that was a long time ago... and she gave me three choices that hadn't been tried yet: Lamictal, Seroquel, and Lithium.
Seroquel is in the same family of drugs that I've had the least success with so it would be a shot in the dark. Lamictal can't necessarily be equated to, but kind of falls in line with Topamax which worked for a while (but still left me irritable and snappy) so it would be hit or miss.
Lithium remains the tried and true treatment for bipolar (for those people who can handle all the side effects that come along with it.) I told her that agreeing to take Lithium freaked me out because then my disorder becomes real. It's no secret that I'm bipolar, but I don't introduce myself to new people as "Tommy the bipolar girl" I mean come on, (I wait until like the second encounter, sike)... but now pharmacy techs will "know" just from the name on the bottle. Friends/acquaintenances that come to visit my house and decide to read RX bottles on the counter or in the medicine cabinet will "know"... my son will soon be at the age where he will see Lithium in the house and "know" that one of his mom's is effing crazy (like he couldnt tell without that, lol) and well since my name will be on the bottle--the gig will be up... it will be official at that point.
I suppose the good thing is that at the end of the day I don't give a shit what people think. Granted I'm not going to leave a bottle of Lithium chilling on my desk in my office so that my employees know I'm bipolar... that's just not good business...
At the end of the day I agreed to the lithium. I'm at the point where its getting extremely difficult to play guinea pig to all of these "new" drugs that may or may not work... (for me) Since lithium does something with the kidneys in your body, I've got to get bloodwork done before I begin taking it to make sure my levels are legit. I've also got to get my thyroid checked because it can jack that up too... Once I get the go ahead I'll start with a standard 300 mg dose. Then five days later, about 8-10 hours after taking my nightly dose, I will go back to the lab and have another set of tests done so that they can determine what dose I should be on without being put into Lithium Toxicity...
Click here to see what I've learned about Lithium so far. Unfortunately... until I start taking it I have no idea what effects it will have on me personally, but I'm putting on my brave face and trying it anyway... wish me luck.
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