Once again I have found myself giving up on one of my meds... It's a giant game of roulette to which I just hope the odds are in my favor. I'm sticking with my antidepressant which lord knows I wouldn't survive without, but I have ditched the mood stabilizer because once again I found myself overly irritable and just down right bitchy. In addition, I was numb--some of you will understand what I mean by that...
Floating through life day by day, functioning like a normal part of society but stoic as fuck. Being incapable of any emotion, the numbness interrupted only by fits of bitchiness and the smallest things setting you off.
I can't live like that. I can't live without being able to feel--even if that feeling is sadness i would take it over the not feeling anything at all... I've had more fights with my wife than I have ever had the entire time we've been together...over four and half years (together, not married) She doesn't know who the hell I am and her patience is running thin--this is to be expected I suppose all things considered.
I was back to a low dose because the higher dose made me drowsy (like falling asleep on the way to work in the am, when I taken the crap shortly after dinner)--absurd. Moral of the story is I quit cold turkey...so I'll know in a few days whether or not that was a bad idea or not...
But for now at least I have a fighting chance. I was supposed to be able to get into see my dr on the 25th of this month...well unfortunately, I have a work trip planned now and I fly out that day so my next appointment isn't until march 12th... it's a good thing that I'm not on the edge and ready to end it all because I wouldn't be able to see my dr about it anyway...
I'm "crazy" enough on my own, I don't need pills that are supposed to help me be less to not crazy, even freakin' crazier...does that make sense?
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