I like my doctor. Even if I only see her in 15 minute intervals at this point, she seems to listen and that's a good thing. She doesn't seem to think I'm at the point of an antidepressant which makes me happy, lol. She did increase my meds however and make some suggestions as to how I can "play" with them to figure out how to make them work for me.... like splitting the now full dosage up into two doses etc... blah blah blah.
I can work with this. I have another appt scheduled for a month or so... between now and then there's going to be a lot going on with an upcoming trip to colorado and what not, but I think i'll be alright... definitely alright.
Yes, I like my doctor.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Rescheduled
Well I had to reschedule my appointment. You see what I thought was going really well with this whole Topamax thing has turned out to not be so excellent. It's not dreadful mind you but I see things teetering on the edge of depression. You see with my type of bipolar I spend more time on the "blah" side than the fun "manic" impulsive side (which lets face it after recent events that nearly killed my relationship, I'll deal with)... but with the blah side comes not wanting to get out of bed, wanting to cry for no apparent fucking reason at all... getting easily agitated at the littlest things, finding little to no joy in anything, and just being sad FOR WHAT? NO REASON... yeah it gets old... I was doing some research the other day and I found out something new... Apparently, my type of bipolar disorder makes up the majority of suicides each year. While I'm not focused enough to remember the actual statistic at the moment, thats some scary shit... scary.
Anyway, I moved my appointment up by a week, because that's as early as I could get it. I was supposed to do it a month from the time the doc put me on this particular mood stabilizer. Which granted, was my idea because I wanted something that was going to help with weight loss, which in my opinion has really curbed my appetite and snacking, but she said she didn't think i'd be able to be on it by itself... I see an antidepressant in my future...just cross your fingers I can find one that doesn't come with sexual side effects, that will just piss me off. I can't be on the antidepressant alone, because then I run the risk of a manic phase kicking in and with those just come trouble...
Thank god that over the years I've become a functioning bipolar. I'm still scared to death that one day I'll wake up and my brain will just say, nope, back to the old days, stay in bed, fuck the job, fuck your life, fuck it all...fuck being a grown up, fuck everything, whats the point. I don't want to be there again... that was almost ten years ago, I can't be there again. I can't be there again.
I committed myself once already. Once. was. enough. No more of this check your shoe laces at the door bullshit, I'm in charge of my life, so what if I need a little medicinal support along the way. It doesnt make me who I am... it just makes me more tolerable, haha.
Anyway, I moved my appointment up by a week, because that's as early as I could get it. I was supposed to do it a month from the time the doc put me on this particular mood stabilizer. Which granted, was my idea because I wanted something that was going to help with weight loss, which in my opinion has really curbed my appetite and snacking, but she said she didn't think i'd be able to be on it by itself... I see an antidepressant in my future...just cross your fingers I can find one that doesn't come with sexual side effects, that will just piss me off. I can't be on the antidepressant alone, because then I run the risk of a manic phase kicking in and with those just come trouble...
Thank god that over the years I've become a functioning bipolar. I'm still scared to death that one day I'll wake up and my brain will just say, nope, back to the old days, stay in bed, fuck the job, fuck your life, fuck it all...fuck being a grown up, fuck everything, whats the point. I don't want to be there again... that was almost ten years ago, I can't be there again. I can't be there again.
I committed myself once already. Once. was. enough. No more of this check your shoe laces at the door bullshit, I'm in charge of my life, so what if I need a little medicinal support along the way. It doesnt make me who I am... it just makes me more tolerable, haha.
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