So I haven't posted here in quite some time. Things have changed drastically for me in my life. I seem to be coping without any huge setbacks and unemployment hasn't killed me, so I suppose that's a plus.
I stopped taking Topamax a while ago because it was wayyyy to expensive with no insurance...plus I was always agitated so we were going to try something different anyway. That led to Neurotin--wasn't a fan of that one due to it killing my sex drive and when I was in the mood couldn't accomplish anything (which is enough to put anyone over the edge, lol)... Well about a month ago my doctor decided that maybe we could try things without a mood stabilizer in the mix...RISKY...but worth a try.
I seem to be super sensitive to medications which sucks because it really makes finding the right mix super difficult. For the last month I've been on an increased dose of Wellbutrin, which is as most of you know an antidepressant.... The doctor also gave me a mood stabilizer (samples) just in case I flipped into mania.
She felt okay with that because of how many people I live with right now and see everyday or at least talk to and who will call me out if I go manic and don't realize it or am oblivious to it, because lets face it, mania makes you feel great but you do some really dumb shit in the process. (since I'm currently unemployed I'd rather not do dumb shit like spend money I don't have...I've managed to be responsible for quite some time now and don't wanna screw it up.
So anyway a month of no mood stabilizer hasn't been half bad... I still get agitated from time to time but hey who doesn't. Lol. I have been looking for jobs, interviewed a few places and have a trip coming up...the thing I'm looking forward to most with wherever I get hired is that no one will know my background...I can go in and just be "normal" and I really crave that in life. Not boring normal, but not psychotic normal, lol.
I dunno...I have an appointment tomorrow and think everything is going okay but I dunno. I haven't gone to my therapist in over a month because lets face it, who can afford a therapist and a psychiatrist when you have no insurance NOT ME... and let's face it medication trumps venting for right now anyway.
Life goes on, isn't miserable, but I'm restless... I need a change. I need a job so that I'm not forced to be at home all the time with my own thoughts--getting overwhelmed or bored and only wanting to sleep...
Plus I've done nothing but gain weight since the combo of no topamax and no job. I gotta get myself in the mindset to finally lose some weight. So much to do...plenty of time to do it right now, but no motivation.
So is life.
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